What are even emotions? Why are they here? What should I do with them? How do I release? What does suppressing even mean? How to accept feelings? What should I do when I am overwhelmed or triggered? Why am I overwhelmed?
These are just some of the questions I have been asking myself through the years of struggling and trying to figure out how to regulate my emotions and what it even mean since no one has taught me.
Something happens. We subconsciously decide if that is of importance to us or not. If yes, then we react to it and this is how emotion arises. It is possible to work on more control over your emotions in terms of being conscious and choosing your beliefs, letting go of ones that don't serve us and in that way, we come in between and don't, let's say, get hurt or angry when there is really no need for it.
As well we also need to know the difference between having an instant feeling surrounding the present situation, which can easily come and go, and between those situations when something in the present really just triggers something from the past that we didn't let go, and then we get overwhelmed (and sometimes out of control).
When I would get overwhelmed, I started asking myself why am I feeling this way? And sometimes the answer would come but also sometimes it would not make any sense. And that is ok, it doesn't have to make any sense. What we can do in this situation is to let ourselves release our emotions in a safe environment. I would either cry my eyes out hugging a pillow, or I would smash a pillow until I got tired. I would ask myself, ok, what do you need from me now? Usually a hug and some rest, maybe a walk or some nice food. Ask your little self: "What do you need me to give you right now?" and go do that.
The experience of body-oriented therapy also helped me with this, so that I can express and release my emotions through movement and my body. At some point, you release most of what was in you and you get triggered less, or with less intensity. You feel more in control and it is easier to validate and release.
One also very important tool that helped me to stay calmer and in control of my feelings when I would get triggered is doing meditation regularly. That was honestly the only thing that kept me in that bad period to stay calm and grounded.
Emotions are one very big and complex subject and I think it should be a whole subject in elementary school. But one more thing I want to mention is also one of the biggest questions I dealt with: What is the difference between suppressing and releasing emotions?
If you didn't learn it growing up, it is not easy and needs to be trained. But let me give you an example. A friend called me and said something that hurt my feelings. I didn't say anything coz my mind found it ridiculous to be hurt by something like that so I just decided to continue with my day. I distract myself, maybe I stuff some food in me, I use my phone, go watch a movie, anything just not to think about the phone call and the conversation and the feeling that came up. Well that is certainly, as you guess, not a healthy way. What we can do to really accept and release and not suppress is to have a conversation with ourselves first. To make space to accept the feeling. So in my case, it would look like this:
Ok, what are you feeling exactly right now?
I am feeling hurt.
Why?
I actually have no idea because it makes no sense that what she told me hurts me.
Ok, that's ok, something is triggered and it is ok to feel hurt.
what do I need right now?
I actually feel like crying.
Ok, let's go sit down a little bit and give time for some tears to help release this hurt emotion.
Maybe sometimes accepting and releasing will take more time and action but try to do that, if it is not possible in that moment, than later in the day. If we do not release it, it stays in our body. It can lead to more uncontrolled behavior and even to sickness. I hope this article gave you at least some useful information and I am here for all the comments and suggestions.
Thank you for your time and feel free to shaređź’—
Love,
E.
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